The road trip post.
There are those out there who suggest that it is better to have loved and lost, than to never have loved before. Quite frankly, I feel as though those people haven’t lost very often. It’s a nice sentiment, but there is something deflating about loving someone and never doing anything about it, or never fighting for it.
That is not to suggest that I am in love, or that I didn’t fight.
In truth, I have loved with my whole heart and I would have gone to great lengths to keep it that way. I would have travelled to distant places, and I would have spent all my money. I would have easily walked away for everything else. It is deflating to have no confidence in the other person’s feelings for you. I guess, somewhere along the line, that is a problem with the beholder. Yet, when nothing that needs to be said actually gets said, it’s hard to trust in the situation at hand.
Mind you, this is not to suggest that I am in love, or that I didn’t fight.
I once joined an online dating site that required you to answer certain personality type questions – “Which is worse, book burring or flag burning?”; “Do you have to sleep with someone before you marry them?”; and, so on and so forth. My personal favourite is in regards to what it takes to make a relationship last – passion or dedication? About 95% of the profiles I read through, all belonging to men, answered “passion”. However, in my experience, passion alone does not make a sustainable relationship. It’s nice to have, and it sure is a lot of fun, but dedication means that you will give the relationship everything you can to make it work. Passion is, I believe, is a symptom of dedication. And for me, loving and losing means you only have passion and no dedication – which is a rather sad and lonely existence for one’s heart.
But I am not suggesting that I am in love, or that I didn’t fight. Or, that I lost for that matter.
I think I may be suggesting that I never stopped loving and pushed past it instead. I think I may be suggesting that I have been fighting against that fact for a long time. Either way, it sure would be nice if he picked up and travelled across the country to see about a girl, leaving no note for his buddy and a heartfelt note for his psychotherapist…
…wait….that’s the ending to Good Will Hunting. Nevermind. I’m going back to my beer.
