Bonnie Raitt said it best.
I have a problem. I am in love with someone who doesn’t love me back. At least, I don’t think he does. I am not so sure. The boundaries between romance and friendship are blurry, and thus, I am not quite sure where to step next. To make matters worse, there is practically a whole country between us now and all that exists of us is a series of dirty text messages and kind hellos.
I broke my own rules and now I am not so sure how to maneuver through this sticky situation. Is it best if I just speak the truth and risk having everything go south, or do I just let it slide and keep my heart under wraps? I laid awake last night wondering if I should just end the romance without explaining why. As if ending things would save my sanity somehow – but that’s the kicker about hope. It never goes away. Ending the undefined romance isn’t going to stop me from hoping for more. My heart could still very well be shredded.
Perhaps I should just lay down my heart and give it my all. That would require balls, because it could mean the end of everything – not just the sex.
Man, I fucked up. I took the one friendship that was probably one of the most important in my life, and put it in front of a firing squad. Then again, I wonder, why I did that in the first place….heh. That is a rhetorical question; I already know the answer.
I never stopped loving him in the first place. I actually can’t pretend that I can’t anymore. I forced my own hand, and laid in wait for the right time — which is fast approaching I think.
/J
